Blessed be God…
That is all I can say. He has blessed me so richly, in everything I have right now, everything around me. You find me writing in the middle of a moment, a moment that will last for awhile but not forever. It is a golden moment, and I am wrapped in it. Everything, right here, right now, is beautiful. And it won’t be the same way again. Perhaps it will be better! But there will be something sad in the fact that it won’t be the same.
I am a dreamer by nature. And sometimes God blesses us so richly, that it goes beyond everything we’ve dreamed.
I have found so much love, that is the most important thing. I have felt cared for, protected, helped. I have felt friendship, and immeasurable kindness has been shown to me. God has blessed me with beautiful sisters, strong brothers, wise parents. Our family members, the ones at home and the ones married, are knit together closely. We have been bound together closely, through grief and through joy.
I have been reading, as always. Yesterday I finished “Hannah Coulter” by Wendell Berry. My definitions of love, gratefulness, family, grief, and hope were all redefined.
“Love held us. Kindness held us. We were suffering what we were living by.
I began to know my story then. Like everybody’s, it was going to be the story of living in the absence of the dead. What is the thread that holds it all together? Grief, I thought for awhile. And grief is there sure enough, just about all the way through. From the time I was a girl I have never been far from it. But grief is not a force and has no power to hold. You only bear it. Love is what carries you, for it is always there, even in the dark, or most in the dark, but shining out at times like gold stitches in a piece of embroidery.”
This passage changed the way I thought. Grief is not a force and has no power to hold. Love is what carries you. It burned into my mind, and the first time I read it I knew its importance. Too often we think ourselves in bondage to suffering. But we are not. We are in love, we are in grace, we are in mercy. True, we live in an estate of sin and misery right now, but we have a Hope, and a blessed assurance. This pushes us on towards the end, and all that is bright in us spreads all over, until we are fully sanctified.
Grief has no power to hold. Even now, in the absence of grief, I am comforted by it, when I don’t have any reason to be. But when grief does come, I will remember it. I will look for love. It will always be there, for God’s love is sufficient to satisfy my very soul.
I will pray. I will pray fervently, and I will try to pray without ceasing. I will try to be good, and sensitive, and willing, and loving, and kind. I will try to be humble, and joyful, and zealous. I will try to be faithful in everything I do, diligent to the utmost, and persevering.
These are qualities that will not grow old.
And who is like God? Who is like Him who comforts, loves, reproves, guides, leads, encourages, disciplines, saves? There is no one. At the end of everything, it is only Him. He is the first and the last, eternal, unchangeable. In this rock I have put my hope, and my faith. And this anchor will hold, though the storm is strong.
There is no one like my God.