I experienced something the other night and I said to myself: “There! that would make for a wonderful blog post.” And now the thought is gone, and I can’t remember what it was that I was going to say.
Life is half-filled with these half-thoughts, and their completion is lost somewhere on a ribbon that stretches on and on in my mind.
How can I reach that infinite space? How can I touch the substance of something so far away? How can I be effective?
How can I leave my little throne of Self, where I am protected, and how can I stretch beyond the confines of my little world to try and reach the lives of those outside?
I forget that there are people who crave completion, like the half-thought in my head. I forget that there are people who inwardly starve themselves for something that they can’t find. And I forget that I am supposed to give them an idea.
All I see is the result of their deep thinking. All I see is where they’ve gone wrong, and think it’s such a shame. All I see is what they don’t have, what it is they’re missing. What I don’t see is how I might help them.
But how might I help them?
This is the question of my life right now. I am a writer, and I could write books. But what’s the use in writing books to try and reach the wandering souls if only Christians read them? And yet, how can I tell that that’s how it will be? How can I know that maybe a word, a sentence, or a thought will drive deeply into someone’s brain, causing them to think?
How can I know how God is using me?
“Every step that you take, could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break, but that’s the risk that you take.” – Coldplay
Do I stop walking? Will I let the fear of messing up drive my feet into the ground like nails, and keep me at a standstill, reaching, but never gaining? What if a piece of truth escapes on that endless ribbon, and I mess up people’s lives? Am I adequate?
But if I wait till I am adequate, nothing will ever get accomplished.
I am only a sinner—a saved one, but still, a sinner—releasing the love inside of me to other sinners like me. Because there is love inside of me, and there is a desire, a yearning for the hungry souls that I’ve never met.
I want to know them, and I want to help them. I want them to know what I know and more. I want to be a tool for the salvation of this world I love and hate so much.
“‘It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,’ he used to say. ‘You step onto the Road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.'”. – Frodo Baggins
I want the people living in misery to know the joy of Christ. I want them to know his love, to accept it. I want them to have the faith that I have in Christ. I want them to be comforted in affliction; I want them to have a reason to hope.
And I want Christ to use me.
So the end of this matter is simply this: To walk by faith, not by sight. To rely only on God. To look beyond my desires and ambitions to see the greater purpose, the much more important road. To not stay still or be silent, but be diligent in the proclamation of my faith.
I do not want to state my faith here and then hope that it reaches some people. That is not enough. A proclamation is not enough. A pursuit is needed, a constant active awareness of someone’s state, a love, a gentleness for that person. Faith is not something to hammer over someone’s head.
So I must be humble, and I must be reliant on God; lowly, as it were, and yet proud. Never assuming or unapproachable, never judgmental. Only loving, only kind, only gentle. And if I can do nothing else, if no other road is presented, to pray fervently and steadily for those who are seeking but not finding, and craving but left unsatisfied.
Let me be a light, or a word, however small, that is effective, so that the half-thoughts are completed, so that the joy is infinite, and the love almost unbearable. So that what is lost may be found, and what is lacking be given. Only Christ can do this, but let me be an instrument, for it is He who works in me.