Ever wondered why you can’t seem to articulate the fulness of something inside of you? Like that half-thought that comes and almost takes shape, but then vanishes? Reminds me of something from The Idiot:
“In every serious human thought born in anyone’s brain there is always something left over which is impossible to communicate to others; not even if you were to write volumes on it for thirty-five years; there will always be something left which cannot be coaxed out of your brain, and which will remain with you forever; you will die with it, without ever communicating to anyone what is perhaps the essence of your thought.” (Hippolite) – The Idiot
Slightly depressing, yes? But true. I have a whole series of half-thoughts, and whenever I try to write about them, they never do justice to the real thought. Is it even worth it to rack your brains in order to find the right way to express your thought so that you can communicate not the blunt edge of it, but the essence?
This is why I haven’t been able to finish all my drafts. I feel like I can’t communicate the essence of the thought, and that without the essence, the thought is worthless.
This might be my only articulate thought at the moment:
Today we are going to get flowers. The day is rainy, cold, and absolutely grey. But we’re getting flowers! Dozens of them. Bright and cheerful. Do you know what they’re for? A wedding. On this grey and rainy day, we’re getting tons of happy flowers for my sister’s wedding on Saturday. Only four more days!
I will tell you a secret. Several, actually.
We have three people staying with us currently.
Our kitchen is still under construction.
We’re painting the halls.
The house, in short, is upside down. And there’s a wedding in four days! Chloe’s boxes of things are packed up and stacked neatly in a corner of the room, while the results of hurried showers, rushed dressing and undressing and all sorts of things are strewn all over the floor. Yet in the midst of this, we’re getting the cheerful flowers. Yes, in all the tumult there is a bright thing, something that makes you smile and forget the mess. We will defy the mess and the rainy day with the dozens of bouquets of flowers. They put the wedding in perspective. It’s not a gloomy and sad day. It’s a joyous day, a symbol of a bright future where a man and a woman make a covenant before God to be a living representation on earth of Christ and His Bride.
So that is my full-thought for this rainy day. :)